Working with Stress in our Lives.

Coming up to the festive season we can find ourselves becoming anxious about all sorts of things, from issues with money, family relationships and planning the festivities. It may feel particularly stressful because we all want others and ourselves to enjoy the days we have planned, and somehow we feel we should be happy and jolly.

Stress can also be triggered through workplace situations, dealing with difficult people and an overwhelming workload. We all have our own version of stress, different things will cause stress reactions for different people, but what is important is how we deal with these stress reactors.



This is where meditation and mindfulness comes in, we are learning to sit with our thoughts, feelings and emotions as they arise and fall away again. We are trying to bring our wise attention to the experiences in our mind and body and to do this in a kindly way, without harsh judgement.
But because our everyday mind is conditioned by the past and has developed habits, we can find ourselves drawn back to replay familiar roles or behavior, particularly at holiday times with our family.

What we need to do if we can, is remember the changes we have already made through meditation the success's we have already had. This is useful in stressful times because we often add problems to our experience by adding negative judgements about our abilities to change.Thinking such things as why am I always like this? Why can't I........ ? or I will never get this right, for instance.

If we can keep up practice too, just the 3 minute breathing space during busy times, it will make a real difference to our experience

Gradually we will find ourselves understanding more clearly and quickly the stress triggers in our experience through paying attention with mindfulness, the first aspect in dealing with stress. Then we can put our mindfulness into the practice of watching our experience without getting caught up in our thoughts and feelings. This allows us the peace of not automatically reacting to people and situations and reduces the levels of stress in our life.

Mindfulness and Coaching Workshop this Sunday

On Sunday 11th October Ian Holder and I will be running one of our Mindfulness and Coaching workshops.at Langdale house 11, Marshalsea road, London SE1 1EN 9.30 for a 10am start till 1pm.

I very much enjoyed co-leading the last workshop with Ian. The combination of mindfulness methods and coaching methods went well together and the participants said they gained a lot from taking part. I think there is room for a lot more development using mindfulness and other meditation methods combined with coaching and other areas of well being.

We still have some places see the main site www.calmcreate.co.uk for more info and comments from past participants. Or contact me for more details.

We are all connected

One of the most important realizations that came to me after starting to meditate ( and is still developing) was a more conscious understanding of one of the central Buddhist teachings, that of interconnectedness. I have naturally it seems had a sense of community since a child, and a desire to act in the world in some positive way. Meditation on the Dharma, the teachings of interconnectedness and the practise of Metta Bhavana have all returned me to the world with a clearer sense on a literal practical level of how much we depend on each other for our daily existence. The Metta Bhavana, a practise of developing and understanding positive communication, emotions and relationship with ourselves and others, breaks down the isolation we can feel in this world. The experience of metta is an opening of the heart to self and other in a radical way, a knowing of this truth that we are in all this together.

Our modern western world teaches us the opposite, that we are individuals, that there is no natural society , that we need to look out for our self, but this way of thinking and acting does not lead to happiness or contentment or peace.

Just a short reflection on how many people in the world are involved in the production of your tea or coffee is quite staggering. We rely on so many people to do their jobs in order for us to live.

And any of those beautiful images of the earth from space shows us that we are all living on the same planet.

Meditating and reflecting on this for ourselves allows us to be in the world with a much greater sense of harmony and gratitude. we feel more connected to the world and others and this experience of gratitude and being connected research now shows, makes us happier and healthier.

Reflections near the sea

It's not that often that I get to the sea now, but recently I spent a day walking, sitting and reflecting by the sea. watching the waves coming up and down the beach was really relaxing, taking me out of my usual frame of mind and filling my mind with a more natural and rhythmic motion.
The very vastness of the sea or ocean with the distant merging of sea and sky brings qualities of infinite space to my mind, somehow restoring a perspective on life.

The sound of the sea, the waves breaking on the shore and the rush of the waves against the pebbles as the wave recedes also seems to calm the mind in a natural way. The element water has this aspect of motion to it and by reflecting on or near the sea or water our mind can take on some of the flexible qualities and fluidity of water.

The wisdom of the body

One of the aspects to meditation that I was immediately struck by was that of how body and mind are connected. My experience in meditation was not just a mental experience, I was not just in my head when I sat to meditate.
It was not just that my body made itself aware to me through all the various aches and pains that seemed to arise when I sat, but that my body seemed to experience or embody the state of mind through the practise.
At first it was more about me noticing my body as the other or secondary experience, but as I practised I was more and more aware that I could, as it were, start from the body, my body and listen to the awareness there before moving to my thoughts. Just by becoming aware of our breath we can gain precious understanding about how we are feeling, the breath tells us how relaxed or stressed we are for example. there is wisdom in the body and if we can sit with a growing awareness of our body, breath and mind we will be developing a holistic meditation practise.

Meditating in the garden

I have been out in my garden meditating recently, it's great to have the opportunity( when our great british weather permits) to be outside. Settling into my ordinary garden chair, I just spend a few minutes with my eyes closed taking in my experience of the garden. The sounds of the birds and people in nearby gardens, sometimes the sounds of traffic or planes and the feel of the wind or sun. I notice the different perfumes and smells in the garden and a bee may fly close by.


There is a sense of enjoyment and connection in my experience and that all feeds into my meditation, which may be a practice of just sitting with my experience, moment by moment, or other meditations.Being outside in this way helps us I believe to experience ourselves in relation to the natural world, a world that we can all too easily forget if we live a busy urban life.

I certainly feel more energized and grateful for the opportunity of being a little bit closer to the natural world. So if you have a space outside, a balcony or local park, take the opportunity if you can to spend a little time meditating outside this summer.

Finding Inspiration for meditation

One of the important things in keeping a meditation practice alive is to find inspiration in our lives in general. In fact one of the simple but profound truths that we learn in meditation is that whatever and however we are in our life in general will that be there with us in meditation.

In order then for our meditation sessions, however long or short they are to be alive and vital for us, it is really helpful for us to seek out and encourage inspiration in our lives.

We may find that simply being in nature, our gardens, parks or allotments gives us this sense of wonder, joy and creativity that is characteristic of being in an inspired state of mind. We may be inspired by art, spending time reading or looking at art in it's many forms. Examples of people's lives may provide us with inspiration, as may many spiritual teachings.

If I start a meditation with something that has inspired me, I find that I am mentally more alert and more interested in my meditation. I have a real sense of uplift that carries me past unhelpful states of mind more easily and leads me into a deeper sense of practice.