Working with Stress in our Lives.

Coming up to the festive season we can find ourselves becoming anxious about all sorts of things, from issues with money, family relationships and planning the festivities. It may feel particularly stressful because we all want others and ourselves to enjoy the days we have planned, and somehow we feel we should be happy and jolly.

Stress can also be triggered through workplace situations, dealing with difficult people and an overwhelming workload. We all have our own version of stress, different things will cause stress reactions for different people, but what is important is how we deal with these stress reactors.



This is where meditation and mindfulness comes in, we are learning to sit with our thoughts, feelings and emotions as they arise and fall away again. We are trying to bring our wise attention to the experiences in our mind and body and to do this in a kindly way, without harsh judgement.
But because our everyday mind is conditioned by the past and has developed habits, we can find ourselves drawn back to replay familiar roles or behavior, particularly at holiday times with our family.

What we need to do if we can, is remember the changes we have already made through meditation the success's we have already had. This is useful in stressful times because we often add problems to our experience by adding negative judgements about our abilities to change.Thinking such things as why am I always like this? Why can't I........ ? or I will never get this right, for instance.

If we can keep up practice too, just the 3 minute breathing space during busy times, it will make a real difference to our experience

Gradually we will find ourselves understanding more clearly and quickly the stress triggers in our experience through paying attention with mindfulness, the first aspect in dealing with stress. Then we can put our mindfulness into the practice of watching our experience without getting caught up in our thoughts and feelings. This allows us the peace of not automatically reacting to people and situations and reduces the levels of stress in our life.

Mindfulness and Coaching Workshop this Sunday

On Sunday 11th October Ian Holder and I will be running one of our Mindfulness and Coaching workshops.at Langdale house 11, Marshalsea road, London SE1 1EN 9.30 for a 10am start till 1pm.

I very much enjoyed co-leading the last workshop with Ian. The combination of mindfulness methods and coaching methods went well together and the participants said they gained a lot from taking part. I think there is room for a lot more development using mindfulness and other meditation methods combined with coaching and other areas of well being.

We still have some places see the main site www.calmcreate.co.uk for more info and comments from past participants. Or contact me for more details.

We are all connected

One of the most important realizations that came to me after starting to meditate ( and is still developing) was a more conscious understanding of one of the central Buddhist teachings, that of interconnectedness. I have naturally it seems had a sense of community since a child, and a desire to act in the world in some positive way. Meditation on the Dharma, the teachings of interconnectedness and the practise of Metta Bhavana have all returned me to the world with a clearer sense on a literal practical level of how much we depend on each other for our daily existence. The Metta Bhavana, a practise of developing and understanding positive communication, emotions and relationship with ourselves and others, breaks down the isolation we can feel in this world. The experience of metta is an opening of the heart to self and other in a radical way, a knowing of this truth that we are in all this together.

Our modern western world teaches us the opposite, that we are individuals, that there is no natural society , that we need to look out for our self, but this way of thinking and acting does not lead to happiness or contentment or peace.

Just a short reflection on how many people in the world are involved in the production of your tea or coffee is quite staggering. We rely on so many people to do their jobs in order for us to live.

And any of those beautiful images of the earth from space shows us that we are all living on the same planet.

Meditating and reflecting on this for ourselves allows us to be in the world with a much greater sense of harmony and gratitude. we feel more connected to the world and others and this experience of gratitude and being connected research now shows, makes us happier and healthier.

Reflections near the sea

It's not that often that I get to the sea now, but recently I spent a day walking, sitting and reflecting by the sea. watching the waves coming up and down the beach was really relaxing, taking me out of my usual frame of mind and filling my mind with a more natural and rhythmic motion.
The very vastness of the sea or ocean with the distant merging of sea and sky brings qualities of infinite space to my mind, somehow restoring a perspective on life.

The sound of the sea, the waves breaking on the shore and the rush of the waves against the pebbles as the wave recedes also seems to calm the mind in a natural way. The element water has this aspect of motion to it and by reflecting on or near the sea or water our mind can take on some of the flexible qualities and fluidity of water.

The wisdom of the body

One of the aspects to meditation that I was immediately struck by was that of how body and mind are connected. My experience in meditation was not just a mental experience, I was not just in my head when I sat to meditate.
It was not just that my body made itself aware to me through all the various aches and pains that seemed to arise when I sat, but that my body seemed to experience or embody the state of mind through the practise.
At first it was more about me noticing my body as the other or secondary experience, but as I practised I was more and more aware that I could, as it were, start from the body, my body and listen to the awareness there before moving to my thoughts. Just by becoming aware of our breath we can gain precious understanding about how we are feeling, the breath tells us how relaxed or stressed we are for example. there is wisdom in the body and if we can sit with a growing awareness of our body, breath and mind we will be developing a holistic meditation practise.

Meditating in the garden

I have been out in my garden meditating recently, it's great to have the opportunity( when our great british weather permits) to be outside. Settling into my ordinary garden chair, I just spend a few minutes with my eyes closed taking in my experience of the garden. The sounds of the birds and people in nearby gardens, sometimes the sounds of traffic or planes and the feel of the wind or sun. I notice the different perfumes and smells in the garden and a bee may fly close by.


There is a sense of enjoyment and connection in my experience and that all feeds into my meditation, which may be a practice of just sitting with my experience, moment by moment, or other meditations.Being outside in this way helps us I believe to experience ourselves in relation to the natural world, a world that we can all too easily forget if we live a busy urban life.

I certainly feel more energized and grateful for the opportunity of being a little bit closer to the natural world. So if you have a space outside, a balcony or local park, take the opportunity if you can to spend a little time meditating outside this summer.

Finding Inspiration for meditation

One of the important things in keeping a meditation practice alive is to find inspiration in our lives in general. In fact one of the simple but profound truths that we learn in meditation is that whatever and however we are in our life in general will that be there with us in meditation.

In order then for our meditation sessions, however long or short they are to be alive and vital for us, it is really helpful for us to seek out and encourage inspiration in our lives.

We may find that simply being in nature, our gardens, parks or allotments gives us this sense of wonder, joy and creativity that is characteristic of being in an inspired state of mind. We may be inspired by art, spending time reading or looking at art in it's many forms. Examples of people's lives may provide us with inspiration, as may many spiritual teachings.

If I start a meditation with something that has inspired me, I find that I am mentally more alert and more interested in my meditation. I have a real sense of uplift that carries me past unhelpful states of mind more easily and leads me into a deeper sense of practice.

Making time for meditation

Leading the very busy lives that a lot of us have these days can make it seem quite difficult to find time for meditation. Partly there is a reality to our business, especially if we have a family, job etc. But we can always find 3 minutes in our day, in fact even several 3 minutes and a 3 minute breathing space can really help us connect to that deeper and truer part of ourselves.

Establishing a regular longer practise of meditation, can take time, finding the right time in the day for instance, are you more of a morning person and could you get up earlier in the mornings before others are awake? There is something quite magical about being up very early before the world has had time to wake up. If you are more of a night owl then meditating in the evening is also fine. Start with 15 minutes 2 or 3 times a week and then either build up to 30 or 40 minutes 2 or 3 times a week, or 15 minutes 5 or 6 times a week.

Can you find some where outside in fine weather to meditate ? It can bring a whole different feel to our practise sitting with the wind in our hair and our feet in contact with the earth. Creating a little space for ourselves inside too is important by doing this we establish a commitment to our meditation. Having just a really nice bunch of flowers to gaze at before we meditate can also really help create the right atmosphere.

As we sit we build up positive habits and a momentum to our practise, and sometimes in a fairly short time it is as if our mind and body know what is expected and start to practise as soon as we sit down. But what will really motivate us to find the time to meditate will be the results that we experience from meditation.

Rumi the great Sufi poet also alludes to something important and relevent here in this line I think.

"Come out of the circle of time And into the circle of love." Rumi

When we sit to meditate we are in a sense leaving the mind preoccupied with time and entering into a heartfelt connection with ourselves and the world.

Qualities of mindfulness

One of the areas I often reflect on is one of the nature or quality of mindfulness that we are trying to cultivate. How does mindfulness feel when we practise it in everyday life?

The quality of mindfulness needed is not just about efficiency, getting jobs done like washing up as quickly as possible or with as little effort as possible. It is not a mechanical type way of activity, far from it. When I think about tasks I've done hurridly and with little thought, filing, cleaning or shopping sometimes, I am aware that I am not enjoying the tasks, I'm not really engaged or aware, and my mental state is usually one that includes irritation.

Mindfulness has something to do with being wholehearted, the qualities of paying wise attention to our activities and jobs.When I have been really aware, sometimes in a conversation for instance, that conversation has taken on qualities of depth and pleasure, a sense of flow and lightness. I am really engaged and listening deeply, and responding from a greater depth in my self, there are qualities of a heartfeld engagement too.

If we can give ourselves up as it were to the job in hand and really engage with being mindfull in the moment, our experience really expands and becomes richer and more enjoyable.

Living with Awareness

One of the benefits of meditating regularly is an increasing sensitivity and development of awareness. This is particularly clear if you have been on retreat where the build up of meditation practise seems to allow us to see the world anew. Colours, sights and sounds can all appear heightened and fresh, as if we have a new pair of eyes. It is our consciousness that has changed in this instance. But I think I first became aware of this benefit in everyday life while out and about in the rain.

I am happy to see the rain fall on the gardens and land when I am inside, but having to handle busy streets and rush hour public transport in cold wet grey weather has never been my favourite pastime.On this particular day I was waiting at the bus stop wondering when the bus would arrive and whether I could fit myself on it when it arrived, I looked out at the grey clouds and was suddenly aware of the delicate colour of the grey, like the soft luminous grey of doves or wood pigeons. Then it seemed my awareness was switched on in the way it could be during meditation, The rain drops falling from the bus shelter made soft sounds and patterns on the ground and the water on the roads shone with the reflections from the sky.

It totally changed my experience of that wait for the bus to the extent that I was happy to wait and just be aware and appreciate the sights and sounds of the rain. What I also realised was this way of awareness was available to me at any time.

Although subsequent experiences based on this sort of realization are never perhaps as strong as our first ones, it can lead to a real change in our capacity and ability to respond and see the world around us.

Mindfulness of thoughts.

" It is remarkable how liberating it feels to be able to see that your thoughts are just thoughts and they are not 'you' or 'reality' For instance, if you have the thought that you have to get a certain number of things done today and you don't recognize it as a thought but act as if it's 'the truth', then you have created a reality in that moment in which you really believe that those things must be done today"

So writes Jon Kabat-Zinn in Full Catastrophe Living"

For me this understanding was also really liberating, Thoughts have no arms and legs, they cannot hold me, the holding comes from this believing that my thoughts represent reality or 'the truth' as Jon kabat-Zinn writes. When I know that my thoughts are just thoughts, I can decide whether to act on them or not.

My thoughts are conditioned, they arise from my childhood, my upbringing, my culture and so on, for someone else other thoughts arise due to other conditions. If I can sit with some understanding of this I am no longer imprisoned by my thoughts.

Working with distractions in meditation

One of the things we find out quite quickly once we start meditating is just how many distractions there seem to be around us. Here I'm talking about external distractions, there are plenty of internal ones too, which I'll talk about on later posts.

Living in urban areas brings all sorts of noise, the sound of traffic being perhaps the most common, whether it's the continuous drone of traffic or the screech of brakes, the sound of sirens or the revving of engines. We are unlikely to find ourselves in situations where there are no cars or traffic, so what is to done when we sit to meditate? The practice is to just be with whatever sound it is we hear, this just being is just being with sound itself. Not even identifying the source of the sound if possible.

In my experience if I can just be aware, a bare awareness of sound from the streets, if I don't put my energy towards identifying the sounds they settle into the background of my experience.
If on the other hand I start to identify the sound of the cars, start thinking for example, who is it who is obviously breaking the speed limit tearing up this residential street! my mind is immediately fastening on the sound, making judgements, which may or may not be true, and I am preoccupied long after the car has gone and my meditation suffers.

So if we can practice sitting amid the various sounds of the world around us, with a bare awareness, hearing sounds as just sounds, letting the noise drift in and out of our experience without getting worked up about it, we will be able to deepen and enrich our meditation.

What is meditation?

One of the things I'd like to do on this blog is share some of my thoughts and experiences of meditation and spiritual practice in general.

This question, what is meditation? is one I reflect on quite a lot. The general definition I tend to refer myself to when I ask this question, is meditation as the continuous production of positive mental states. However this is only the start of an investigation into the nature of meditation, but what I take from it is that meditation is not something that you just do on the cushions, or chair, but is something that is part of everyday life.

If we think of positive mental states, we probably think of things like happiness, kindness, sympathy, compassion, delight, and so on. Being able to remain in positive mental states all the time is quite something, and one of the dangers of this definition is that of suddenly deciding that most of our mental states, not being positive, are somehow wrong and to be disowned.

However, meditation is also about being in the present moment, with whatever it is we are experiencing. In practice we start to see the patterns to our thoughts, feelings and emotions as they arise and pass away again. If we can begin to see that when we put our focus and mental energy into our thoughts they stay with us and increase, and if we just allow our thoughts to pass through our minds like clouds in the sky, they disappear over the horizon of our awareness, we are laying the ground for a sense of equanimity and positivity.